Why Write?

People might wonder why I write meditations when Taoism is a spontaneous, perceptive religion; wherein, ongoing life is notable? A part of ongoing life is learning. Reading, meditation or experience prepare us for the next challenge. After years of contemplating the wisdom my parents feel is notable solutions to problems are available before experiencing pain.

I believe Ancient Philosophers were wise, yet time makes it difficult to interpret intentions. Perhaps I am restating meditations with words meaningful to people living today or addressing less prevalent issues of their time that became prevalent after answers were found. Communication is important.

People might wonder why I feel this is my responsibility? Though finding peaceful activity in living my own life there were frequent problems and misunderstandings. These problems were internal or external within individuals and amongst groups. Reflections on statements of sharing knowledge selflessly reveal people perceive me as a Common House Spider.

This judgment comes from experience with other people they think share the same values because we appear to be a group. While I could change my ideals and actions to become a Black Widow sharing knowledge allows for personal growth amongst a greater number of people. People with harmful intentions could become aware of me and avoid me. In order to really make a change Black Widows must be common in order to cause a sensation of insecurity. They want to know my values otherwise there might be consequences to squishing friends or me.

This idea did not happen spontaneously. As a child I maintained respect for people's space though children are incapable of harm beyond cute pranks and easily forgiven folly. Knowing it is important to avoid touching people occasional flicking or poking is playful. I also became better at insulting people and overemphasizing feelings with flourishing language.

Most think a playful, harmless retaliation is suitable to ensure goodwill, yet as time goes by repression intensifies anger. After testing boundaries and finding they are safe they continue invasive behavior, yet they are not able to assess my values and tell me what to do with my life. They are not able to tell me what I want or beliefs by assessing another person. The highest insult involves assessing character from books or movies.

People could probably sense my aura as a teen. Denying an outlet for emotional strife allows thoughts of violence and vandalism as methods of protection. They might think I would eventually act on these thoughts. I remained mostly nonviolent. One time I attempted to scratch a person's car with my keys. It was unsuccessful. Eventually avoidance produced a closer, smaller group of friends. Overtime, while feeling empathy, it appears suppressing anger is fruitless.

Luckily, I meditate. I also employ techniques from Psychologists to access deeper thoughts and find the root of uncertainty, uselessness or feeling lost. Unlike most people, simple issues and emphasis of problems or advantages causes anger, instead of, embarrassment.

At first this was awkward. After years of learning bits of information I realize my energy levels are higher because of anxiety issues. I am able to control it naturally through avoiding stimulants and regular exercise. Anger is a response to cope with nasty feelings; ergo, instead of feeling embarrassment I feel anger unless already having a method to cope with uncomfortable feelings. Now anyone reading this knows why they or a fries feels anger and spontaneous negative thoughts.

These meditations are frequently unique to my life, while enhancing ancient wisdom; "Ying-Yang" came from an emotional time when moving from teen years to adulthood. There were many intense feelings when casually looking at art and finding different ideas behind potential meanings. I also began doing this with television programs and music.

One day after going to work, skipping school and someone casually insulting me I went home and sat in darkness until crying in silence. The principles of "Many Shades of Gray" filled my mind. "Many Shades of Gray" is a concept originally dating to the Dali Lama, many centuries ago.

After crying the entire concept became clear. While painful, I felt better realizing everyone is the Hero in their life. They are always the most known character and figure out how to overcome challenges threatening their existence. Sometimes we wonder if we are Villains, yet we are neither Heroes or Villains. Life not a book or movie with a Writer designing Antagonists or Protagonists to win-or-lose. Each moment in life is a time of reflection and then action.

Taming emotions became easier. Tactics to defend myself and others were in balance by neither denying or relying on emotion. I could feel the emotion and devise a method to express a feeling of potential harm. Avoiding reaction makes better choices for selecting an action. I prefer methods that do not harm myself while defending myself. Another option is the least amount of force so retaliation is less likely to cause permanent damage.

At first it was difficult. Overtime it becomes easier. What works for me might work for someone else. The realities of each person's life is unique that is why meditations do not have answers. Meditations stimulate the mind to focus on a particular problem. I feel many people have similar problems in the age of television, philosophy and distortion of philosophy to benefit a specific group propagandizing distortions of philosophy.

My college years are greatly different than my life now. I can not say it is better or worse. I spent most days delivering pizzas to get tips to spend on beer while chatting with friends in a basement apartment. I hardly remember college. Memories with friends are more prominent. I remember people making jokes in poor taste to make everyone laugh and looking around knowing the nicest people would live a sub par life without much hope for the future.

There was encouragement to remain silent and let life resolve all issues, yet new laws were making it difficult to own old cars and more people were accusing everyone of disgusting activities. When life was in decline it was easier to find a friend to blame. This results in losing friends though when feeling small it might be easier accusing someone who you can defend yourself against. It became important formulate a nonviolent plan to resolve issues by going to school to find the missing answers to defend myself without harming myself in the same action.

I lament my teen and college years. Though feeling useless actions to feel useful were too quick. Now I want balance between a social life and building a better world by seeding the earth with Black Widows. Already people are hesitant to tell me about my beliefs. Other goals include actually being the person who succeeds; therefore, protects everyone with dreams from ridicule for wanting something people assess they are not capable of achieving. I imagine them realizing there is potential for a wonderful not bleak future for their children or friends. Minimum reaction is hesitation in declaring a person is inadequate. Either way writing is meaningful brings purpose to my life though the recession has left me without a livable income for a few years.

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